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Information for women who are or have experienced domestic violence
The Truth About Domestic Violence
- Domestic violence includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
- Domestic violence is totally unacceptable. Every woman has the right to live her life free of violence, abuse, intimidation and fear.
- Domestic violence is very common. One woman in four experiences domestic violence at some point in her life.
- Domestic violence is very dangerous. Each week in the UK, two women are killed by a partner or ex-partner.
- Domestic violence is not just about individual men abusing individual women. It is also about the systematic abuse and oppression of women in the society in which we live.
- Domestic violence is about power and control. Abusive, violent and sexually abusive behaviour is wide-ranging and subtle in what it tries to achieve.
- Domestic violence is intentional and instrumental behaviour. It is about scaring you into doing something that you don't want to do or out of doing something that you do want to do.
- The abuser is 100% responsible for his abuse. His abuse is his problem and his responsibility.
- It is not your fault. No woman deserves to be abused, regardless of what she says or does.
- A man can change. His behaviour is within his control and he can choose to stop.
- You can't change him. He himself is the only person who can stop his violence.
- We can't change him. If he attends DVIP's Violence Prevention Programme there is no guarantee he will change - some men do, but many don't.
- He may change a bit. Men do sometimes change a bit, maybe becoming less violent, but remaining abusive and intimidating. You can decide for yourself whether he has changed enough.
- You don't have to put up with it. A woman has the right to safety and respect, to put herself and her children first and to focus on her needs.
- You can increase your safety. If he is intent on being violent, you will not be able to stop him, but there might be things you can do to increase your safety.
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